Starcraft Interveiwer: Terran
by Ripred Dominates
Summary: This is a show where I interveiw people from Starcraft! This season, I am interveiwing people from our very own Terran! Get the inside stories of our favorite heroes and units! You don't want to miss this, folks!
1. Chapter 1

Note: I don't own Starcraft

**Note: I don't own Starcraft. Okay? And one other thing: Some things in this story are just made up for humor. So if you see an incorrect fact, that's probably the case.**

RD: Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls of all ages… well, preferabley older than 10, at the very least. Anyways, welcome to Starcraft Interview, where we interview people from Starcraft. Today, we shall interview the Terran! Our first guest is none other than… Jim Raynor!

Audience: Yeah! Go Raynor! Woo hoo!

Raynor: -walks to stage-. Howdy, boys. I'm Jim Raynor, Marshall of these parts.

RD: No, Raynor. These are the States. You're Marshall of nothing here,

Raynor: Oh.

RD: So, Raynor. What do you do for a living?

Raynor: Right now, I'm the leader of a mercenary group and I'm the Number 1 wanted criminal in the universe.

RD: Wow. Is it fun?

Raynor: Oh, sure. I just love stealing artifacts. It's what I do.

RD: Thank you, Raynor. You can go now.

Raynor:-leaves-

RD: Now, the next person is… Tychus Findlay!

Tychus: -walks up on stage-

Audience: Ty-chus! Ty-chus!

Tychus: Boy, it's about time!

RD: Tychus, that's not what you're supposed to say.

Tychus: What?

RD: You're supposed to say something else. You're supposed to say… never mind. We're trying to keep this language free. Next question: Who is that woman on your marine armor?

Tychus: That's my wife.

RD: Aw, how romantic. What happened to her?

Tychus: I murdered her. And in a very gruesome fashion, too. First, I-

RD: Tychus, stop!

Tychus: Why?

RD: See, Tychus, there's a little thing called "rated G". And that's what we're trying to accomplish here.

Tychus: You DARE tell me what to do! I'll …

-security guards haul Tychus away.

RD: Sorry about that. He has anger management problems. Anyways, our next guest is…

Mengsk!

Mengsk:-walks on to stage-

Audience: Booo!

Mengsk: Gee, guys. That makes me feel so unloved.

Audience: -in unison- We hate you, Mengsk!

Mengsk: That makes me feel better.

RD: So, Mengsk. What do YOU do for a living?

Mengsk: I am an evil dictator of the Terran Dominion. I am the greatest leader ever. I'm like…uh,… the Palpatine of this galaxy.

RD: Palpatine? You know him?

Mengsk: Yeah, he's my homie. We both took a class called, " How to Become an Evil Emperor of an Entire Galaxy."

RD: That sounds nice. But that's Star_wars_. This is Star_craft_. Now, Mengsk?

Mengsk: Yes?

RD: Why don't we let you go right now.

Mengsk: Sure. I have better things to do than go on talk shows, anyway. Like planning ways to kill the Protoss and Zerg.

RD: Thank you, Mengsk.

Mengsk: -leaves-

RD: That was this episode, folks. Tomorrow, we shall interview more of the Terran, such as an SCV, a marine, and a firebat! See you next time!


	2. Chapter 2

RD: Hey, guys

RD: Hey, guys! We are back for another episode of: Starcraft Interview! Today we shall interview:

an SCV

a marine

a firebat

So, could our SCV please come to the stage?

SCV: -walks up to stage-

RD: Hello. What's your name?

SCV: Bob.

RD: Okay. Now Bob. What do you do for a living?

Bob: Is that not obvious or what? I spend my day gathering crystals. These primitive people call it "ore", but seriously, -

RD: Wait. What do you mean, "primitive people". Where are you from?

Bob: I was born in the Star Wars galaxy, but I somehow winded up on Earth.

RD: Argh! Stop making references to Star Wars! This is Starcraft, people!

-silently counts to 10-

RD: Okay, I'm calm. So, Bob. What happened while you were on Earth?

Bob: I thought it would be really cool to join this Terran thing, so you know, girls would like me more.

RD: But didn't only criminals become Terran?

Bob: Right. That's why I robbed a bank right before they picked people.

RD: That's nice. So are the girls swarming you?

Bob: No. They don't care about us SCV's. They only want big, brave marines and firebats.

RD: Well, I'm sorry about that, Bob. See ya around!

Bob: Thank you. –leaves-

RD: Now, for our second guest… a marine!

Audience: Yeah!

-marine walks to stage-

RD: Hi there, Mr. Marine. What's you're name?

Marine: Johnny.

RD: Okay, then. Johnny, can you tell us a little bit about your experience as a marine?

Johnny: Sure. I am part of the former Sons of Korhaul, now the Terran Dominion. My first mission was where I had to help Marshall Raynor and Lieutenant Kerrigan liberate some colony about to revolt. I was virtually the only marine left after the mission!

RD: Seriously?

Johnny: Well, the only Korhaul marine, anyway. After that, I just kept going on missions until now I have a record-breaking 75 kills!

RD: Wow. Are you in the Guinness Book of World Records?

Johhny: Uh-huh. I also broke the record for "Most Wanted Criminal" because I stole all the gold in Fort Knox before I was drafted on the Terran.

RD: That's nice to know. Have you changed your ways?

Johnny: Ummmm….not really.

RD: Let's leave it at that. Thank you for talking with us, Johnny. See you around!

Johnny: -leaves-

RD: Boy, are ALL the Terran big-time criminals on Earth?

Audience: Probably.

RD: Gee, I hope not. Because think of the damage our NEXT contestant can do! Give

a big round of applause to…. A firebat!

Firebat: -walks up to stage-

Audience: -silence-

RD: Aw, come on, guys! Let's try again. Let's give a big round of applause for… a firebat!

Audience: -silence-

RD: Excuse the audience, Mr. Firebat. They are just… lost in deep thought.

Firebat: Right. That's likely.

RD: Now, Mr. Firebat, we're running out of time. We have 3 questions for you. Get it? Got it? Good. Question 1. What is your name?

Firebat: Collin.

RD: Got it. Question 2. What do you do in your spare time?

Firebat: I like to watch things burn. It's fun. Especially if I'm the one to burn it.

RD: Normally, I would comment on that, but we have 10 seconds. Quick! Whatbattleshaveyoufoughtin?

Firebat: What? Slow down, we have plenty of-

RD: SeeyanexttimeonstarcraftinterviewerIhopeyouhad—

Director: CUT!! Next show!


	3. Chapter 3

Hello

**Hello! This is RD here. I know it's been months since I've updated, but I've been working on other stories and haven't had time for this one. Anyways, I hope you like the next chapter!**

**RD**

RD: Hello, everyone! We are sorry for the downtime! We had been forced to temporarily stop the show because of… technical problems. –glares at boss-

Boss: Look, I cut the show because I thought that nobody liked it. And I'll cut it again if I'm proven wrong today! So this better be funny!

Audience: -laughs-

Boss: That doesn't count!

RD: _Anyways, _our first contestant is, drum roll please.

Musicians: -plays trumpet-

RD: I said drum.

Musician: No, your dumb!

RD: -sighs- I said drum, not dumb.

Musician: Oh. –plays drum-

RD: Thank you. Now, our first contestant… a ghost!

Boss: A ghost? –faints-

RD: No. I mean a ghost as in that cool dude that can turn invisible and blow stuff up with nuclear weapons.

Boss: Oh. _That_ ghost.

RD: Yes, that ghost. Speaking of him, where is he?

Ghost: -runs up onto stage- I'm sorry I'm late. Bad traffic jam.

RD: Really? How did you get out?

Ghost: Oh, I blew the other cars up.

Audience: -gasps-

RD: That's a crime! I should turn you in and-

Ghost: -pulls out a gun-

RD: -and tell them that the blast wasn't you fault!

Ghost: Better. –puts gun away-

RD: You know, I don't know your name. What is it?

Ghost: 00972753 Charles. Timmy Charles.

RD: Ooookay. I'll let you go. Bye Charles!

Ghost: -leaves-

RD: Wow. Close call. Where are the guards, anyways?

Boss: There on strike.

RD: Pity. But we need to get to our next contestant, who is… a medic!

Medic: -walks up to stage-

Audience: -silence-

RD: I'm sorry, Mr. Medic. Our audience is lost in deep thought… again.

Medic: Oh, it's no problem.

RD: First things first. We all hope your not one of those guys who keep wanting to get a girlfriend. We get those a lot on the show and it's really annoying.

Medic: No, I'm not.

Audience: -sighs in relief-

Medic: I already HAVE lots of girlfriends!

Audience: -groans-

Medic: I do! Who do you think wrote that song, "Doctor, Doctor. Give me the news. I've got a…BAD CASE of loving you!"

RD: Ummm…..

Medic: One of my patients did. It was about me! –bows-

RD: But wasn't the person that wrote that a boy?

Medic: No. That dude stole all of her credit.

-cell phone rings-

Medic: That's mine. Sorry. –picks up cell phone and starts talking- Hey, honey! I was just talking about you…….. I know, that rascal…….Oh, not right now……I don't care about that. How about Monday?...Okay, bye. –hangs up-

RD: Who was that?

Medic: My girlfriend. We're going to the movies on Monday.

RD: What movie?

Medic: Oh, a love movie, something sweet and loving… maybe _300_ or _Saving Private Ryan. _

RD: Oh, by the way, today's Monday.

Medic: Oh, no! I'm late! Gotta go! –leaves-

RD: Good thing he doesn't have a calendar. Today's Tuesday. But now that he's gone, we can get to our final contestant… a Vulture pilot!

Vulture Pilot: -walks to stage-

Audience: -silence-

RD: I'm sorry, Mr.Vulture Pilot. Our audience is yet again lost in deep thought.

Vulture Pilot: You have quite a group of philosophers.

RD: That we do. So what's your name?

Vulture Pilot: Haymes.

RD: Hermes? The guy with wings on his sandals?

Haymes: No, I'm Haymes. I'm from Tattooine.

RD: But that's in Star Wars, right?

Haymes: Right.

RD: AAAAHHGGGHHH!! STOP MAKING REFERENCED TO STAR WARS! YOU ALL ARE TO LIKE ! AGH! --"

-security guards haul RD away-

Boss: Well, I guess that means the show is cut short. I'm sorry, Mr. Hermes, but you'll have to wait until next episode. If I don't stop the show altogether.

Haymes: It's Haymes.

Boss: Whatever.

Director: CUT!

**So that was it! I hoped you like it! I'll try to get the next one out soon! See ya!**

**RD**


	4. Chapter 4

RD: Okay, before we start our interviews, I want to say how sorry I am for yesterdays, er, interruption

RD: Okay, before we start our interviews, I want to say how sorry I am for yesterdays, er, interruption.

Random Audience Member: Didn't the boss fire you?

RD: Well, actually, the boss has been… _disposed_ of.

Audience: -murmers-

RD: But I PROMISE you, what happened yesterday will not happen again.

Tychus Findlay: Yeah! He's in my anger management class now!

RD: TYCHUS!!

Tychus: Yes?

RD: BE QUIET!!

Tychus: Fine.

RD: Okay, good. Our first contestant is…. A Goliath pilot!

Audience: Hey!

RD: What?

Audience: What about the vulture pilot?

RD: Oh. Right. But you see, he didn't want to continue. He got sick, see.

Audience: Yeah, right.

RD: It's true!

Audience: You're just too lazy to interview him!

RD: No, The Writer is too lazy to write about him! –looks up at sky-

Audience: You are the writer.

RD: Oh. Right. But we're wasting too much time.

Director: That's right. Next show!

RD: Darn it. –silently thanks director-

Raynor: No! –shoots director-

Security Gaurds: -get up-

Raynor: -shoots gaurds-

RD: Raynor! Stop! –gets up-

Raynor: -shoots RD-

-bullet passes through RD-

Audience: Whoa!

Raynor: Hey! You're supposed to be dead!

RD: Ah, but you forget. I am The Writer. I defy the Laws of Physics. –makes Raynor disappear-

Audience: Whoa!

RD: Why did I never think of this before? –makes all annoying people in audience disappear-

Audience: -starts worshipping RD-

RD: Okay, stop. That's annoying.

Audience: -stops-

RD: Now that that's over with, our next contestant is… a Goliath Pilot!

Goliath Pilot: -walks up to stage-

Audience: -silence-

RD: If you don't applaud, I'll make you all disappear.

Audience: -silence-

RD: And you won't get a refund on your money.

Audience: Yay! Goliath Pilot! Whoo-hoo!

RD: Better.

Goliath Pilot: -bows-

RD: Okay. First things first. What's your name?

Golith Pilot: Derek.

RD: Okay. Good. –makes note-

Derek: You've never made notes before.

RD: I'm just starting. But anyways, next question. What was your experience as a Golith Pilot?

Derek: Well, the lowest moment in my career was when I was walking on Tarsonis when this _boy _named David threw a rock into my engine with a sling. Then the engine blew up, and I barely escaped with my life!

RD: That story sounds awfully familiar…

Derek: It's true!

RD: Whatever. But I'm tired right now, and I want to go to sleep. Good Bye!

Random Audience Member: Hey, wait! You only interviewed one person! That's not-

RD: -makes Random Audience Member disappear- There we go. Now, anybody opposed to ending the show right now?

Audience: -silence-

RD: Good. Now, see you next episode!


	5. Chapter 5

RD: Okay, this episode, I PROMISE to interview 2 people

RD: Okay, this episode, I PROMISE to interview 2 people.

Audience: Whatever.

RD: Today, we'll interview:

.a Siege Tank pilot

. a Battlecruiser pilot.

RD: And since there are only two people left, this will, sadly, be the last episode.

Audience: Yay!

RD: But there will be a new series called Starcraft Interviewer: Zerg coming out soon, so tune in there.

Audience: NO!!

RD: Now, let's hurry up and get this over with. Where's my Siege Tank pilot?

Siege Tank Pilot: -walks up to stage-

Audience: Yay! Woo-hoo! Yeah!

RD: Finally you guys have learned your lesson. –turns to Siege Tank Pilot- What can we call you?

Siege Tank Pilot: Joshine.

RD: Joshine?

Joshine: That's right.

RD: Okay, cool! I'm getting tired of all these "Bobs" and "Jimmys" and "Timmys".

Jim Raynor: Hey!

Bob: Take that back!

Johnny: Yeah!

RD: -makes them disappear- You don't mess with the RD. Okay, Joshine, what do you do on an average battle?

Joshine: I drive my Siege Tank around and blow up people. Do you want to know how a Siege Tank works?

RD: Um, okay.

Joshine: To fire the tank, the Optumis cords leading to the Utimis factor on the third left to the main reactor must be intact, or the nuclear power relaying from the ray reactor will overcharge and blow the tank up. To make sure the Optimus cord stays intact, engineers must use a special drill called a Kinay to drill into the tanks weakest point in the back, which is where the main reactor is. If they drill the main reactor, though, they will be electrocuted with about 10,372 watts of electricity that escape the reactor and-

RD: -makes Joshine disappear-

Audience: Thank you, RD! We shall never oppose you again!

RD: Cool. I'll hold you to that promise you know.

Audience: -gulps-

RD: Our final contestant is a Battlecruiser pilot.

-Battlecruiser crash lands into stage-

Audience: AH!!

RD: Everybody stay calm! –walks over to Battlecruiser –

Battlecruiser Pilot: -moans-

RD: Are you okay?

Battlecruiser Pilot: They're……here. –dies-

RD: What's here?

Audience: Ah! Run for your life! –runs away-

RD: What? –looks around-

-an entire hive of Zerg is causing destruction-

RD: AH!

Kerrigan: -walks over- Quiet! Who are you?

RD: R-r-r-RD!

Kerrigan: R-r-r-RD? What kind of name is that?

RD: RD! My name is RD!

Kerrigan: Oh. So, RD. What do you do for a living?

RD: I interview people on my talk show, Starcraft Interviewer!

Kerrigan: Hmm. Me and my minions have always wanted to be on a talk show… -thinks- Okay, here's the deal. You interview all of us, and we keep you alive. And it will be televised too.

RD: Deal!

-shake hands-

**Finally! It feels SO GOOD to be through with this piece. But don't worry, a new story is coming out soon…. Starcraft Interviewer: Zerg! Stay tuned!**

**RD**


End file.
